May 10, 2026 | Truth & Transformation

Truth & Transformation | Ephesians 4:29-32

Ephesians 4:29–32

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (ESV)

In Truth & Transformation, Jed Gillis teaches from Ephesians 4:29–32 that spiritual growth means putting off the old self, being renewed by the truth, and putting on the new life God is forming in us. Sin often feels like part of us because it is tied to old habits and desires that have been misdirected or allowed to grow out of place. But in Christ, believers are being renovated by the Spirit. That transformation shows up in how we speak, forgive, and live together as a church body. Instead of corrupting words, bitterness, anger, and malice, God calls us to words that build up, kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness rooted in the grace we have received in Christ

Transcript of Truth & Transformation | Ephesians 4:29-32

Mom's Favorite Verse

Jed Gillis: Ephesians chapter 4. We're taking a pause if you're normally with us. Uh, we're taking a pause in Ecclesiastes for several reasons. One of those is that the next section of Ecclesiastes primarily addresses oppression and injustice, which doesn't quite feel like a Mother's Day topic necessarily. So instead, we're gonna be in Ephesians.

And, and the reason that I was drawn to this passage is because when I think of my mom, I think of Ephesians 4:32. "Be kind to one another, be tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." Because I knew that was my mom's favorite verse. I knew when I was this tall that was my mom's favorite verse. I knew when I was this tall and she passed away, I knew that was her favorite verse.

I di- I knew she wasn't perfect in it. I knew there were times my mom would say, "I wasn't kind in everything today." I knew there were times she would say, "I didn't forgive like I should." But I consistently knew that this was the verse my mom would return to over and over again.

She sang songs about it. They weren't necessarily great songs, but they were songs. She would say it when she was correcting us. She would say it sometimes when she wasn't correcting us. But she would consistently come back to this text and this passage. So much that when my mom did pass away a few years back from cancer, it was the first verse of scripture that came to my mind, was that verse.

And I knew, and I... Th- this morning is, it's not really a sermon directed at mothers, though there's application for mothers. But I want to encourage you as a mom and as a dad, as a parent, consistently coming back to God and His truth has an impact on your kids. It does. I knew when my mom passed away, somebody asked me, "What do you want to do to honor your mom?"

And the thing that I knew more than anything else was that what she wanted me to do was to honor God, and that was how I was going to honor her. It was to love my family, to be kind, to be tenderhearted. I knew that the way to honor her was to honor the Savior that she loved, and I knew that because of her consistency, not her perfection, but the way she kept returning to these truths.

And so I want to encourage parents especially, and mothers who may sometimes feel like you say a lot of things to your kids that don't necessarily sink in, you may feel like you say them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. That's why this had such an impact on me, is because she did. She did say it over and over.

And so this morning, we're not gonna just look at verse 32. We're going to zoom out a little bit more than that and look at the overall framework, because in order to really understand what Paul is doing in Ephesians 4:32, we need to know the framework he's using to talk about really spiritual growth.

And that starts back in verse 21, is where we're gonna start. You really start to the beginning of the book, but we're gonna start in verse 21.

Reading Ephesians 4:21-32

Jed Gillis: And Paul says, "Assuming that you have heard about him," that's Jesus, "and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children."

A Simple Framework for Spiritual Growth

Jed Gillis: This is the snapshot in the middle of Ephesians that we're going to look at, and really the framework. We won't talk about all the verses in the middle, I read them for context, but we're going to recognize that in verse 22 through 24, he gives you a basic framework for thinking about spiritual growth.

And then he starts to give you examples. He talks about truth, and he talks about stealing, and he talks about communication, and he talks about forgiveness and kindness. Like, all of these things which he continues to do going into chapter five in some different ways as well. Really, he sets you up to say, "This is the way you think about spiritual life as a believer.

And if you think about it that way, here is the way that you need to live this out in all of these examples."

So I want to first build his framework, and then we'll jump to the specific examples that we're gonna use from verse, uh, 29 and 32

Put Off the Old Self

Jed Gillis: The framework is this, he says, "Put off your old self." Now, that's really interesting. Some, some translations will say the old man. That's fine, too. But the idea is there's a core of something that used to be who you are. It was old, but it was self in some sense. He says you need to put something out.

Here's the key point for that phrase. That means there are some sins that we need to put off that feel like they are part of you.

Which, by the way, is why "be true to yourself" can't be an overriding principle for Christians, because not every piece of who I was before Christ is in fact good. So I don't need to be true to everything about myself. One of the things that we have to all recognize is there are some things in your life, there are some things in my life that I know need to go.

I know they're not good. You have some of those things. You have temptations. You have times you've fallen in that temp- temptation, and you say, "I know this isn't right," but you, you almost don't wanna get rid of it because it feels like it's part of you.

Why Sin Feels Like Part of Us

Jed Gillis: And when Paul sets this framework up, he assumes that's true. Says, "You have learned to put off the old self," to take something that feels like it's so much a part of you but you know by the power of God's Spirit working through His Word, you know this is not good. This is not the way I should live. There are some of those things that need to be removed.

And so then we'd have to ask, wait, how is it, how is it part of me exactly? Like, how's that experience like? Well, Paul knows that would be a good question, and he describes it. He gives you two phrases. He says, "The old self belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires." So there's some things we need to get rid of that feel like they're part of us, and why do they feel like they're part of us?

The first one, it belongs to your former manner of life, or it, it fits your habits. Maybe some of you, especially if you came to faith in Christ not as a little child, as an adult. If you came to faith in Christ, you say, "There were certain habits that I practiced, that I realized as a Christian I need, I need to change." But that may not have been very easy for you, depending on the habit and, and the situation. You say, "It was difficult because this manner of life, this way that I lived, that felt like it was just, it was part of me."

So for example, if your habit is to selfishly spend your time. You say, "I'm going to just live for me." And then somebody comes alongside and says, "You need to serve others like Jesus served." You say, "Well, it's kinda hard to give up some of those selfish habits." Why? Not because you aren't convinced it's actually good in a way, but because you look at it and say, "This was my former manner of life. That feels like part of me. I don't wanna give that up."

If your habit is to manipulate others around you by trying to paint the picture they see of you, like, "I'm gonna make sure you think well of me," if that's your habit over and over and over, then what you do is you start to lie and you start to flatter and you start to do all these different things to the point that it may feel like it's just part of you.

Paul says, "Yes, that's what spiritual growth is like." It's putting off the old self, feels like part of you, because it fits with a pattern, a habit, a former lifestyle that you lived.

Deceitful Desires

Jed Gillis: And then the second phrase here is it's, "Corrupt through deceitful desires." The idea of corrupt is- is like it's rotten. It's diseased. It's weak. Th- there's- there's something here that should be good, but it's not.

It's like if you step out on a- a wooden deck and it's termite-ridden, and you step out and you think it's all fine, and then you step and it cracks. You go, "This is corrupt. It's deceitful." And Paul pushes us to think not just about habits but about our desires, because part of what we have as humans is, he describes them as deceitful or lying desires.

If you go back to the garden, think about what Eve says when Satan tempts her, right? Many of you know the story. Maybe not all of you do. But Eve, once Satan says, "You should eat of this tree," she says, "No, God said not to eat of this tree." He's like, "Did God say you shouldn't touch it?" And this whole conversation goes back and forth, right?

And then the text tells us what Eve saw, that the fruit was good, it was a delight to the eyes, and it would make them wise. All right, so is there any problem with Eve looking at a fruit and thinking, "That's good. I'd like to eat it"? Not by itself. You had a whole garden of fruit trees, and she was supposed to say, "Wow, God gave us this one. This is good." So the desire to find fruit that was good, not a problem in itself.

How about to be delighted in the creation God had made? To look at it and say, "That looks good." Well, that's, nothing wrong with that desire either, right? How about the desire to be wise? It's worded carefully there.

So she looks at three desires. Here's good fruit that I want to eat. Here's something that looks good. It's beautiful. Here's a desire to be wise. Three desires all given by God. Desires that in themselves are not bad, which is what makes him deceitful, by the way. And then she grabs the fruit and she eats it, and all the problems that come from that.

Because these desires that feel like they're inside us, there's at least two ways they can be a problem. They can be misdirected. So in this case, that's what it was. You go, "Here, this tree is great. Enjoy it. This tree is great. Enjoy it. This tree is great. Enjoy it." Wisdom is good. Listen to God and get wisdom, right? The desires were good, but then she misdirected those desires to the one thing God said you shouldn't partake of. So it's aimed in the wrong place.

For example, you could have a desire for, for safety. Say, "I want to be safe." Of course, everybody wants to be safe. Nothing wrong with that desire. But if it's misdirected so that you say, "I'm gonna trust myself so that I will lie to others in order to stay safe," well now here's a, a perfectly fine desire aimed at the wrong thing which results in sin and destructive, diseased, corrupt consequences.

Or God gives desires for sexuality, and within marriage that's wonderful. And if it's misdirected, if it's aimed at the wrong kind of fulfillment, that becomes not... It was a good desire. It becomes a sinful one because it deceives you into thinking you can follow that desire instead. That's the framework he's using.

Or there's another way de- our desires can be deceitful. There's a phrase in the New Testament which would literally be translated overdesires. So instead of it being aimed in the wrong place, it's like you have this desire and you desire it so much that you're willing to give up other things to try and get it, other things that you shouldn't give up. Right?

So in the example I used, you could even think of it that way. If you lie in order to remain safe, then what you're doing is you desire safety so much that you're willing to throw away truth. So it's an overdesire. Those are deceitful desires.

And this is his framework, right? He says, "Put off the old self," some of these sins that feel like they're just part of me.

Why do they feel like they're part of me? Because I have former habits, and I have good desires given by God that are misdirected or out of proportion.

By the way, there's a really subtle grammatical hint here that I wanna point out, 'cause it matters when he gives you the parallel. When he talks about verse 22, notice it says, "Is corrupt through deceitful desires," and actually, literally, it would be, "It's corrupt through desires of deceits." Now, that's the way they said deceitful desires. That's fine. But it's used in the plural.

In other words, the picture here isn't that there's one big lie that you might fall in. It's that all of your different desires, which are good desires, can deceive you in a million different ways, right? Think about the garden before Eve sins. If Adam looks at Eve and says, "Hey, you should want to be wise."

She says, "Oh, yes. Absolutely." You should want to be wise using the things God has given. Yes, absolutely. It feels so right, until then it gets warped and twisted and aimed at the wrong thing, and it ends in sin.

So part of what Paul is doing, even subtly here, is telling you there's not just one way that your desires can deceive you and that you can follow through on those patterns into sin. There's many, many ways.

Put On the New Self

Jed Gillis: So the first framework, put off some things that feel like they're part of you 'cause they fit with your habits and your desires that deceive you because they're aimed at the wrong thing or out of proportion. Then he says, "So let's put on." He continues, "To be renewed in the spirit of your minds and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

So he puts a parallel. Put it off this, put on this. And he starts with renewed in the spirit of your mind. This, this word's sometimes translated, uh, renovated.

I, I love this picture because if you move into a fixer-upper house, you don't move in and just instantly go, "There it is. It's perfect." No. In fact, you're gonna move in and you're gonna say, "All right, here's the first step."

When we moved into our house, uh, we have a large living room, and half of it was hardwood floor, and then just in the middle of the room, there was like this inch step up onto travertine tile that continued throughout the rest of that section into the kitchen. The tile was all cracked and messed up, plus I'm like, "I'm gonna stub my toe on this inch step forever."

So step one for us was we're gonna get rid of this tile and put better flooring down. Okay, so you can do that first, but that meant there were a lot of things at the house we said, "We wanna change some of these things later, but we're not doing that right now." See, renovation isn't the same as a new construction, right?

We all know that. And Paul gives us this language in renewed or renovated in the spirit of your mind. Spiritual growth doesn't look like I'm walking along, living my life, and then I get saved, and all of a sudden, boom, brand new house. That's not the way he describes it. He says, "No, you have some desires that deceive you. You have some, uh, you, you have stuff within you, former habits and actions that fit with them. You have all that stuff within you and it needs to be renovated, rebuilt."

That's one reason, by the way, that we need to give each other grace as people who walk in, in the same body here, because the person next to you has different renovation needs in their heart.

And you may say, "Hey, I've got this part figured out." You might be wrong about that, but maybe you're right. But you've got another wall that needs to be knocked out somewhere else. They need to deal with the, the leak in the bathroom, and you've got a whole different issue you need to renovate in your life. We give each other grace because this is what spiritual growth is like. There's something that's really new, but it is being renovated. It's being changed.

If you think about, and my wife cares about this a lot more than I probably would even notice, but if you walk into a house partway through the renovation process and you say, "Well, the style doesn't quite match from one section to the other, and maybe the decor's a little different here than it is there," and all this kind of inconsistency, and that bothers some of you. Some of us don't particularly notice the same way. But it bothers you because you go, "This doesn't quite fit with this."

That's what spiritual growth is like. We should expect that here as people who are in the middle of this process, that every single one of you, if you look at your life, you go, "Okay, I'm genuinely a believer in Jesus and I love Him and I really do treasure Him, and there's some things about what goes on in my life that doesn't fit that."

Why is that true? Because we're in this renovation process. So be renewed in the spirit of our minds. He draws you to minds because what's gonna help you with deceitful desires? Truth. How do you find truth? In the way that God works within your mind, right? So be renewed by seeing truth, and he continues, "To put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

True Righteousness and Holiness

Jed Gillis: Created after the likeness of God. Here's the thing that's amazing, and I think we, we miss the second half of this sometimes. We think, "Yes, I know the old self. That feels like it's part of me, and here's the sinful actions, and it's bad." But we might forget that this parallel says then that when you have a desire for righteousness and holiness as a believer in Jesus, that's also part of you.

Sometimes we forget that. We act like, "Oh, I had all these bad desires. That's really me, and anything good in me, that, that has nothing to do with me. I'm just as terrible as I ever was." Uh, no, that's not the way he talks about it. He says, "You were taught in Jesus that you're in this renovation process. And yes, there's old self that needs to be put off, but there's also new self."

He calls it the exact same thing. As a believer, when you say, "I am... I want to please God," that's something that's the process of renovation, of who you are, because the Spirit is transforming you. You're created to reflect God.

And Ephesians has used other language. If we were going through the whole book, we would see these, but many of them are familiar. Chapter 2, when he says, "You were dead in your trespasses and sins, but God, who is rich in mercy, gave you life." When he says, "You were separated from the promises and the covenants, and you were separated from God, but now you're not separated anymore," he's giving you these pictures.

He says, "Something radical and real has changed." So he says, "Put off some of what feels like it's part of you. But remember the Spirit is producing something really good in you. Put on this new self," because we were created to reflect Him. And then, interestingly enough, I told you a minute ago when he said, "Deceitful desires," literally, that would be, uh, desires of deceits, literally.

Here, the same grammar, the same parallel is used, but for truth. So when he says, "In true righteousness and holiness," literally, in righteousness and holiness of the truth. You'll notice I did not say, "Of the truths," plural, because that's part of the contrast he's drawing. He's saying, "There are all these many things that will deceive you, but there's one truth that sets you free."

There are all these desires which can be pointed in the wrong direction, which can be out of proportion, but when you have the desires of righteousness and holiness according to the truth, they're not pointing you the wrong way. And you can't want righteousness and holiness too much.

That's the contrast. We could define righteousness as something like, uh, because he, in this framework, he's paralleling with desires. We could say a desire for God as the greatest treasure of your life. That's what righteousness is. Like, I want God. He's the best treasure I could possibly have. If that's true of you and I, fully true of us, then we're righteous.

That's what it is. Or holiness. J.C. Ryle defines holiness as loving what God loves and hating what God hates. In other words, having the exact right desires that match God's.

So when Paul gives you this framework, which we could spend forever on these pa- on these verses, we're setting up the framework so we can talk about the end. When he gives you this framework, he's telling you, "This is your experience." If you're a believer in Jesus, you've been given new life because of the Spirit.

That Spirit is at work in you to give you some desires that you did not have before, which include a desire f- to treasure God above everything else, and a desire to really love what he loves and hate what he hates. He's given you these new desires. Now, James tells us these desires fight within us against other desires, right?

So these deceitful desires... Remember, when I say deceitful, I mean they're good desires that can deceive you. They battle against this. So you have a desire, you say, "I would like for my life to, to have joy, and ease, and pleasure." There's nothing wrong with that desire by itself. But then when you say, "I want my life to have pleasure to the point that I'm gonna give up this desire for holiness.

I don't need holiness. I'm gonna love some of what God loves, but I'm not gonna love all of what God loves. Instead, I'm living..." Now, this becomes an over-desire. It deceives you into thinking that's actually what's gonna be good for you. And Paul's framework is then, now how does God work in the process as you w- walk with him, as you spend time in his Word, as you pray, as his Spirit convicts?

God renovates. He brings truth to you that then exposes the lies of these deceitful desires so that instead of walking according to your former manner of life, you say, "I'm walking to honor, and please, and reflect God." That's the framework for spiritual growth.

Example: Speak Truth to One Another

Jed Gillis: And the first example is, is right after that in verse 25.

We won't talk about it that much, but it's an easy one to see. We lie because we have certain desires. So you might say, "I have a good desire to have a good reputation." Good. You should want a good reputation. That's absolutely a wonderful desire. But if it becomes so much like an over-desire, I want that enough that I'll give up all these other things.

I'll give up truth. I'll give up love. I'll give up godliness. I'll give up all kinds of things in order to try and protect my reputation, so I color the truth more and more with gradually more sinister lies. That's how it works. And his response is, "Let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one, one of another."

So he gives you a specific truth. He says, "If we are all members of the same body, if you lie to the person next to you, you're hurting yourself." Because if I slam a hammer on my toe, guess what? I hurt. We're all part of the same body. He's giving them truth. He's saying, "You think you're just protecting yourself, and you think maybe somebody else gets hurt, but I don't get hurt."

But he says, "No, no, no. Actually, if you're truly a member of the same body, then when you hurt your foot, you hurt." He gives them truth, and he's encouraging them to renovate their life according to that truth, to let that truth soak in so that instead of living the way they used to, former manner of life, they live according to that truth.

Example: Words That Build Up

Jed Gillis: That's one example. That one's fairly easy, but let's go to 29, verse 29. We'll look at really two examples here. First, he says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." So we get this word corrupt or rotten or diseased, all of that kind of language.

It comes back here. Don't let this kind of talk come out of your mouth. And I want you to notice something really fascinating here. He doesn't say directly, he could have, the English grammar reflects this really well. He doesn't say, "You don't speak corrupting things." We read it like, of course, that's kinda what he's saying, but a- and he almost says that.

It certainly is, is implied. But he says something more than that. He speaks to the body and says, "You all," that's plural, "You all don't let corrupting talk come out of you all's mouths." That sounds weird, right? I could say y'all or youns or whichever one we wanna use. It sounds weird, but here's the point.

This is not primarily given as an individual command. Yes, you individually should work to not let corrupting talk come out of your mouth. Of course. But it's not worded that way. He could've worded it that way. They do that just like I would. You say, "You do this," and I mean all of you do it, but I'm looking at a specific person.

But there is a community element. The way he's worded it carefully is to say, "Actually, whoever you are as a member of the body, part of your responsibility is to guard the speech of the whole body, that it not be full of corrupting, diseased, rotten communication." We are supposed to help each other. Now, just think about his framework.

Why would he say that here? Because remember, he said, "Put off the old self." If I feel like something is a part of me and I'm deceived about it, there's deceitful desires, what is going to be the easiest way for me to see something that I didn't see before? I always feel like it's a part of me, so it's unlikely I'm gonna find it on my own.

But when a brother comes alongside and says, "Hey, that seemed proud. Hey, that seemed like you were complaining. Can we, can we talk about that? That seemed bitter. Can we have a conversation about that?" And I'm like... Now, my first response is, "No, of course I'm not bitter. I'm doing exactly what I think is right."

Sure. But as he applies his framework, he does not tell you, "Here's how spiritual growth works. Now you go do it by yourself. Good luck. Hope it works out, and then maybe we'll come back together and do something." No, no, no. He says spiritual growth works because as we are deceived and we need to be renovated, we need other people alongside us.

And it's carefully worded to draw us to that idea that we are to help each other to guard against deceitful desires, which by the way sounds like Hebrews 3, where it says, "Each one of you exhort one another daily, lest anyone be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." It's the same idea. Different author, same idea.

So we're told something about the way we help one another to avoid being deceived by these desires and instead to truly reflect God in righteous, holy desires. And he, his example here, again, because his pattern is put off these things that feel like they're part of you, put on these things given by God.

So he says, "Speak words that are characterized by three things. First, words that build up, that encourage, or that strengthen." It's in the middle of verse 29, "Only such as is good for building up." I, I'm reminded of a really good athletic coach. Really good athletic coaches, they care for their players, and they build them up as players.

Does that mean they correct them sometimes? Sure. They should. Does that mean sometimes they say kind of hard stuff for them to hear? Yes. Does that mean sometimes they say good stuff? They say, "Hey, you're too hard on yourself. That was a good try. It's okay." Yeah, a good coach does both of those. A good coach tells them, "Here's where your teammate dropped the ball on that play and you were doing the right thing."

A good coach also says, "Here's what you could've done better." Those are all building up. And we would recognize the difference between a coach who builds players up and a coach who tears players down. Even though they might say some of the same things. But there's a kind of speech that really is encouraging building.

So when he says, "Make sure the talk that comes out of your mouths is such as is good for building up," he's saying if you're a member of the body, you are supposed to be a spiritual coach for the people near you, building them up. And I said you, everybody. That's not directed at pastors or elders or Sunday school teachers.

That's directed at the entire body is supposed to function properly and, he says in Ephesians, "Build each other up." That's the way this whole text is set up. In fact, if you look back at verse 16, that's what I just quoted. "From Jesus the whole body, each member joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."

We're supposed to be speaking so that we're like coaches building one another up spiritually. That's the first thing he says about our speech. As fits the occasion. According to the need would be a way you could translate that. We just, in Ecclesiastes, we looked at chapter 3, where there's a time for everything.

There's seasons of difficulties and there's sevens- seasons of joy. There's seasons of weeping and seasons of laughing. There's seasons of planting and seasons of plucking up. There are words that fit the need, that fit the occasion. In other words, he's saying if you don't do that, they become corrupting words.

They're words that tear down and are diseased and rotten instead of words that actually help.

Speech as a Channel of Grace

Jed Gillis: Because... And this is maybe a little bit... W- we get used to this phrase so that it doesn't sound meaningful to us. But listen to the last phrase of that verse. "That it may give grace to those who hear." Now, if you were with us when we went through Galatians, think about the beauty and power of God's grace.

And what he's saying is not that you can make God gi- have grace for them when God didn't. That's not the point. But you can be a, a channel, a conduit for the kind of grace, for undeserved favor from God to somebody near you.

That's amazing. We sing about how wonderful grace is. We forget it flows through us.

So in this whole context, what he does is he drives you to say, "If spiritual growth looks like this, then you're gonna have some desires within you." That in fact are either pointed at the wrong thing or they're out of proportion, and they lead you to want to speak in a way that's not building up, it's not appropriate to the moment, and it's not giving grace to people around you.

And instead, he says, "Remember this truth," verse 30, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." It's like remember you love how much grace came to you. God showed you this great favor that says, "The Spirit is with me even though I'm still a fixer-upper in need of renovation."

But the Spirit is at work doing that, and if God's given me that kind of grace, that kind of favor, while I am not anywhere near perfect, then how much more do I wanna take that same grace and say, "Hey, I wanna give that to you, and you, and you, and you in the way that I speak." He points them to truth and says, "This needs to renew your mind, to combat against the deceitful lies that these desires are bringing up within you so that you speak differently."

Example: Kind Forgiveness

Jed Gillis: And then he does the same thing again with a slightly different concept in verse 31 and 32. If we said, "What's the big command?" Extend kind forgiveness. That's the command that's stated really in verse 32. But first he gives you the negative side, just like he's been doing. Here are the things you put off, the things you don't do because they fit with your former habits, because they fit with deceitful desires.

He says, "Put off bitterness." We use this even for foods. Right? We say that food is bitter. We mean it gives us a bad taste in our mouth. He says when you look around, especially in context at other people, because that's who we forgive are other people, one another. When you look around, you shouldn't have a bad taste in your mouth towards a member of the body.

Put it off. Put off all bitterness. That's one. Wrath and anger. We can view those things together. When they're used together in the New Testament, they're not just synonyms. They're different Greek words that stand underneath that. It includes both, like, the action of anger and the internal disposition of anger.

It includes the idea of like, "That's wrong and I'm against it," but also the idea of a kind of outburst of emotion. When they're used together, it, it hits both of those. And he says, "Put off both of those."

Put off clamor. If you go online and you see all the outrage that's on the internet, go read the YouTube videos, and somebody's like, "Oh, you can't believe what somebody did. Ah, la, la, la, la, la." That's clamor. That kind of outrage, that's what he says, "Put that away." Slander, tearing others down. And then it's like I love we get these examples where it's like Paul lists that whole list, and he starts to write something else, goes, "Oh, wait, I forgot malice, too."

Like, along with that, malice, which is the idea of, like, a desire for harm for someone, a desire for evil for them. The opposite of love, desiring good for them. So he says, "Put off all of these things. Don't do them." Why? Because that's not what forgiveness is, which is where he's going to go. "And instead, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you."

Interestingly, the word forgiveness is a form of the word grace. So when he says, "Speak in such a way that gives grace to someone," and then just a couple verses later, he says, "Grace them." It's a little bit more than that. That's what grace is. Forgiveness here is an extension of undeserved favor. That's the whole point.

It- it's forgiveness because you say, "They didn't deserve it, but I forgive it."

What Forgiveness Is Not

Jed Gillis: A- and really quickly, I want to run down a couple things forgiveness is not, because I think we can really struggle sometimes to know what it is, and we hear a lot of different ideas. Forgiveness is not forgetting that something happened. You know, people say stuff like, "Forgive and forget," which sounds all wonderful, and maybe for the smallest offenses, maybe you could.

When you talk about some of the really horrendous things that go on in the world, if forgetting is necessary, I don't think it'll ever happen. Forgiveness isn't necessarily forgetting, and in fact, it's a greater demonstration of Christian love to remember the offense and forgive it than to try to forget it.

By God's grace, thankfully, we forget all kinds of offenses that happen to us. But if you say, "I still remember. Does that mean I can't forgive?" Oh, no, you most definitely can. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not the absence of all consequences. We know that. David in the Old Testament, he committed some pretty horrendous sins, murder, adultery, really completely failed in his role as a king at that point.

He sinned in all kinds of ways, and there were consequences, and yet he was forgiven 'cause he didn't get fully what his sin truly deserved. So forgiveness doesn't mean the absence of all consequences. Forgiveness doesn't mean you're not upset at injustice. It doesn't mean you look at evil and go, "Oh, good."

That's not, not what forgiveness is. And forgiveness is not the immediate restoration of trust either. We can see that, by the way, from Joseph in the Old Testament. When his brothers come, he doesn't sit here and go, "Oh, those are those slaving brothers. Kill them all." So there's obviously some sense in which he's, he's forgiven in his heart, but then he also doesn't sit here and go, "Oh, it's my brothers.

Hey, guys. How are you?" Right? He has this whole system where he tries to discover are... have they changed. Did they kill off my other brother too? What's happened? Like, he gives them an opportunity to earn trust, but he doesn't immediately res- restore trust. So forgiveness is not that. Instead, forgiveness ultimately is looking at someone who's wronged you and saying, "I'm not gonna respond with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice."

Instead you say, "I've been forgiven more, and I'm not going to exact payment from you for all of those things. I'm not gonna hold that against you in those ways." Which is good. Why? 'Cause remember, the whole framework he's given us has been we all need to be renovated. That means the person sitting next to you has some things that will happen in their lives that are wrong, and sometimes those wrong actions spill over on you, and it hurts you.

So he says instead, "Forgive. Be kind." That word's useful goodness. Be good to them in a, a p- a profitable, good, useful way. You say, "Hey, I wanna be kind to this person." Tenderhearted, you feel with them. Many times I think what we do is we're, as good Christians, we go, "All right. I'm, I'm gonna forgive. I'm gonna do all those things," but inside I'm still against them just as much as I ever was.

And if something happens to them and it, it's difficult for them or it's hard for them, I might go, "Good. That's what they deserved." Tenderhearted, feeling with them. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Remember, his whole framework is you have these desires that can deceive you.

We need something that is like a North Star in the middle of that storm to say, "Well, what's the right direction?" Truth, God in Christ forgave you.

Forgiven as God Forgave Us in Christ

Jed Gillis: Forgiveness is costly. We were enslaved to sin. You were so identified with your sin that you deserved judgment.

And if you free a slave, it costs something. We call that redemption. Jesus came, humbled himself all the way to death on a cross. He didn't forgive us in like a cold, distant way, like he just looks at it and goes, "All right, fine, I'll forgive." No, no, no. He was kind, useful, good. He was practically tender-hearted.

He came alongside and he wept with them, and he paid that price. He didn't begrudgingly forgive. He was kind. That's the way he forgave us, not by being bitter or by being against us or explosive or outraged or by tearing us down. He didn't do any of those things. He forgave us out of this overflowing well of compassion.

As God in Christ forgave you, that's the truth. That's supposed to shape us to say, "Here's the, the truth that counters the lies." That's why that framework is built into everything that Paul is doing throughout here. And I wanna encourage you, it's hard to work through what on Earth is going on in my soul, where do I find lies, where are my desires, like my good desires, they're lined up in the wrong way.

Where is all of that, and how do I work it all out? That is hard. If you've ever renovated a house, you know it takes some work. The good news is you're not left to yourself. God's Spirit wants to take you into the depths of your heart to say, "Here's the desires that are deceiving you, and here's the truth," so that it will not be grieving to the Holy Spirit, but reflect Him.

God wants to do that, and if we don't go there with God's Spirit, then we'll be just whipped around by the lies all the time.

Spiritual Growth Is a Community Project

Jed Gillis: I wanna return to what I said earlier. Spiritual growth is a community project.

That means that not only do you do this, do you f- work to say, "God, renovate my heart and help me understand what's going on," you do it for you, but you don't just do it for you. You do it for the person next to you.

Because when Paul says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. Let all bitterness be put away from you all," that's also plural, by the way. He's saying we need each other so we are not deceived and thrown about by these lies, so that we are, in fact, being renovated, to take that same picture from 1 Peter 2.

We're being built up as a temple. That's what the church is. As a kingdom of priests to praise His name. Like living stones, we're being built up.

Encouragement for Mothers and Parents

Jed Gillis: And then I wanna conclude by saying again, mothers and parents,

when you consistently return to love for God and His Word, when you practice these kinds of truths, not perfectly, 'cause nobody does, but when you keep coming back and saying, "How can I be kind, and how can I forgive, and how can I train my kids to do the same? How can I point them to the beauty of forgiveness in Christ?

How can I come back to this time after time after time and time again?" It has a bigger impact than you know.

My mom doesn't know that. She does now. She didn't.

My mom didn't know that, because when I was six, I didn't get most of it. But the ripples of that choice, the ripples of her spiritual life of continually coming back to love for God and His Word, creates waves in the lives of her kids.

So moms, when you feel like you have to say the same thing over and over and over again, and you wonder, "Could it ever be worth it?" Answer is yes. 'Cause you don't know what God will do with that in the future, but He does.

Closing Response and Prayer

Jed Gillis: So I invite you to take a moment to respond to God in prayer. Ask Him to continue renovating, changing your life, and then I'll close in prayer.

Father, we need your truth. It's so easy for us to just go through our lives without really recognizing places we need to change, without knowing that you have given us the answer to the deceitful desires that whip us all around, without realizing that we, as your people, we are no longer only full of sin and deceit, that we've been given a down payment.

We've been given your Spirit, who works within us to love your truth and to love righteousness and to love holiness, and that's part of who we are as new creations. Help us to see that, to rejoice in it.

Convict us of sin and give us hearts that love the truth.

And fill us. Lord, we'd love to be perfect, but we know short of heaven we won't be. But fill us with a consistent thirst, a consistent desire as your Spirit works within us to know more of you, to purify ourselves even as you are pure, as 1 John says, to rejoice that you are the one who transforms us.

And thank you for parents who pour out godly influence. Continue to bless and strengthen them. Give them consistent love for you. In Jesus' name, amen.