August 3, 2025 | Devoted to God

Devoted to God | Proverbs Part 23

Proverbs 31

The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:

What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb?
    What are you doing, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
    your ways to those who destroy kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    or for rulers to take strong drink,
lest they drink and forget what has been decreed
    and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,
    and wine to those in bitter distress;
let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.
Open your mouth for the mute,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.


    An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

In this final message from Proverbs, Jed Gillis explores Proverbs 31 as a call to live “devoted to God” in every role. The chapter contains two linked poems that picture wisdom in action.

First, King Lemuel’s mother warns her son to guard his strength. He should guard against destructive relationships and self-numbing excess, and he should govern with clear judgment, defending the poor and voiceless. Her counsel shows how a leader who fears God stewards power for the good of others.

Second, the acrostic portrait of the “excellent wife” celebrates a woman whose strength, diligence, generosity, and foresight bless her household and community. Her true beauty is reverent trust in the Lord.

Together, the poems teach that wisdom is a deliberate path: every believer, whether wielding public authority or managing daily tasks at home, is summoned to intentional, God-honoring living

Transcript of Devoted to God | Proverbs Part 23

Jed Gillis: We're going to be continuing and actually finishing in the book of Proverbs today. So if you'll take your Bibles and turn to Proverbs chapter 31.

Before we do that, I want to say, I, I looked at a, saw an article this past week. Which was titled, it was an older article, I think, but it was titled The Most Important Instrument in Corporate Worship. It's you by the way.

We Are Engaged in Spiritual Warfare

Jed Gillis: And I thought as we were singing today, the the thought crossed my mind, George preached last week about going into battle and the singers going before the soldiers. Because what we do when we gather, I don't know if we always think about it this way, but I know it's true in my heart. When we gather as believers together, we gather, yes, for corporate worship, for a wonderful time for teaching, for ed edification, but we gather for spiritual warfare actually. Because how many times do we come in and, and our hearts are distracted or cold, we're burdened.

And one of the things that I would say God uses most often for me to draw my gaze to him to do spiritual warfare is when he uses the most important instrument in the room, and his people sing. And his people sing, help us sing the endless praises of your love for us, and as people saying, do I have breath this morning? Then I have reason to praise. Did the son die on the cross for me? Then I have reason to praise. All of creation must sing. And that doesn't change when we stop singing and we come to the word of God, either. This isn't just about information from the Book of Proverbs, it's about spiritual warfare. It's about are we going to take the truths about wisdom that we see in the book of Proverbs, and are we going to live those out in a way that strikes out at Satan's strongholds in a way that says, I'm going to live for my king who is victorious? How do we approach the word of God?

And I'm reminded that it's spiritual warfare. It has been as we've gone through this whole series, because anytime you go to the word of God, Satan doesn't want you to follow it. He's okay if you can quote some things and not live it. He doesn't want you to follow the word of God.

Proverbs: In All Your Ways

Jed Gillis: And so as we've gone through this series, the banner, as you've seen in our our graphics about this sermon series in Proverbs, the phrase that stands over it is in all your ways. We all have a million different pathways. In fact, none of us have the same path in life. We all make decisions.

Andrew Peterson wrote a song, he talks about a million minuscule decisions in a line. That's what your life is. That's what my life is, and our lives do not look the same. But if you are a forgiven follower of Jesus, you come to the word, you say, I want to walk the path of wisdom. We confess, we fall short often, but we come and say, I want to walk the path of wisdom rather than the path of foolishness. So how do I do that?

And as we've gone through this series in Proverbs, there's a reason why we've quoted Proverbs three probably more often than any other section of the book, and a reason why probably more of you could have quoted that Proverbs three, five and six to start with before we went through this series, because it really summarizes much of the message of the book.

In verse three, it reminds us to keep God's steadfast love and faithfulness in front of you at all times. Remember that God has the kind of love and care for you as his children that never, ever gives up, that never stops, that who he has been is who he will be, his steadfast love and faithfulness, keep that in front of you because you'll never trust God with all of your heart. If you don't know that he loves you with all of his.

So he continues in chapter three. He says, don't trust your own understanding. Don't be wise in your own eyes instead in all your ways. That's the phrase that we've said over and over in all of your ways, in every path, in every decision, know your God and not just intellectually know him. The word there is for, for intimately knowing him.

In every decision you make, know who your God is, know what he's like, know how he loves you, because as you know him, you find patterns in him that if you live your life according to that wisdom, you find life flourishes. That's why the Book of Proverbs is given.

Who Is Lemuel?

Jed Gillis: So how does the book conclude? If you look at verse one of chapter 31, it starts with this, the words of King Lemuel, an Oracle that his mother taught him.

That's the heading for the last chapter in the book of Proverbs. And you say, who's Lemuel? I don't know. And nobody else really does either. There's a lot of guesses. Some people say maybe Lemuel was like a pet name for Solomon. Maybe, I don't know. It's a fascinating theory, in which case Bathsheba might be the one actually saying this, which would be interesting.

Um, could be some people have theorized different ways that it could be a later king. Some are, there's even theories that it wasn't an Israelite king.

Here's the point. You and I don't know that answer. God's word is inspired. So what did God want us to know? Well, he wanted us to know this name Lemuel, which means devoted to God or dedicated to God.

So he gets to the end and he says, here's the words of one a king who is for God. In other words, one who in all of his ways is supposed to look to and treasure his maker. If you want to walk the path of wisdom in all your ways to know him, you need to be dedicated to God. There's no area of our lives that should not be lived in relationship to our father in heaven.

And the second part of that verse is interesting too, an oracle that his mother taught him. Would you like to take a guess how many written examples we have of ancient near Eastern literature where we know what a mother taught her son?

One. Right here. You can find all kinds of places where Kings said, here's what I'm gonna teach my children. Here's how they should live. Here's law codes. You can find a million of those examples. Only in scripture from the ancient Near East, do you have God saying, you need to know that his mother taught him this.

Two Poems: A King and a Wife Who Live in Wisdom

Jed Gillis: And we get this chapter, which really has two poems. Here's what I want to tell you from the beginning, because I don't want us to get too lost in some of the specifics. I know I could have said, Proverbs 31, a bunch of you would say, oh, I know it's in that chapter. It talks about an excellent wife. You might have forgotten the first part, which talks about a wise king possibly. But you might think, well, I'm not a king and I'm not a wife. What's this have to do with me?

We'll come back to that. But to start with, I wanna say this really the point of putting this at the end of Proverbs. I think I can show you this as we go through the chapter. The point of putting it here is to say, what does it look like if wisdom is lived out in different situations?

What does it look like if a king walks according to the path of wisdom? We're gonna look at a few things. What does it look like if a wife walks according to the path of wisdom? The point is your attention should be drawn to the path of wisdom side.

So if you say, I'm not a king and I'm not a wife, that doesn't mean that you don't have a path of wisdom to walk, and we see how it's fleshed out.

Sometimes when you see a story, you see a specific example, it's easier for you to understand, oh, that's what wisdom looks like. And so we can learn from both of these examples.

The Wise King

Jed Gillis: Let's read the poem about a noble king or a wise king beginning in verse two.

What are you doing? My son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.

It is not for kings oh Lemuel. It is not for kings to drink wine or for rulers to take strong drink lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. Give strong drink to the one who is perishing and wine to those in bitter distress. Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery. No more.

Open your mouth for the mute for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Don't Waste Your Life

Jed Gillis: I think we might be able to sympathize with the fact that the first thing this mom says is, what are you doing?

She says, don't waste your strength. Don't waste your life. Don't waste, speaking to a king. You have a position of power and authority and influence. Don't waste it. She says, do you think you can just use your strength and efforts to do whatever pleases you and then that's just how it's gonna work out? She says, no, you want to build something.

Did you notice the language beginning of verse three? You don't give your ways to those who destroy kings to those who tear down what you are trying to build. You're trying to be a good and wise king who has a good impact for God. You're the king who's li mewell dedicated to God. After all, don't waste your strength and your energy and your life in a way that tears down what you're trying to build.

Now specifically, he looks as he's done throughout Proverbs, he talks about a wrong relationship with women here, and he talks about abuse of alcohol.

He's connected those two throughout the book, and there's reasons for that, right? There's reasons because we would say if you pursue those kinds of things, they're seen as luxuries or wonderful good things. But they can easily draw us aside.

It's especially interesting if this happens to be a pet name for Solomon, because can you imagine Bathsheba? Don't be your dad. That's what she's telling him at that point, right?

Don't be drawn aside by that, which would destroy what you are trying to build. You've been given these things, energy, breath, strength, influence. Use it in a way that really does build what you want to build that doesn't destroy.

Don't Numb Yourself in Self-Centered Pleasure

Jed Gillis: Don't waste what you've been given, and then don't numb yourself or indulge in self-centered pleasure.

Now you see, if I were to say those two principles, don't waste the strength and energy and influence you've been given. And don't numb yourself to try to escape reality. I could turn back through the rest of Proverbs and find tons of examples where he says the same exact things.

Don't Tear Down the Good You've Built

Jed Gillis: What this wise mom is doing is saying, Lemuel, you're a king. Here's what the path of wisdom looks like for a king.

In verse four, she says, it's not for kings. To drink wine or take strong drink. Why? Notice the reasoning verse five, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.

Notice. Forget what has been decreed. In other words, you've already started on a good path as king. You made some good laws, you've pursued some good outcomes. She says, look. Don't now tear down, same theme, don't tear down what you started to build. Don't forget these good things. Don't forget this wisdom. The king is supposed to be clear thinking.

If you could imagine, I know we don't have kings the same way, but imagine you lived in Israel and you had a king. You want the king to be able to think clearly. You don't want the king to be a slobbering drunk sitting on his throne. Because he has this amazing influence and power and opportunity. You say this is supposed to be something you think clearly about. Don't numb yourself and try to escape from that with a wrong relationship to women or an abusive alcohol.

Don't Live As One Who Has No Hope

Jed Gillis: She has this interesting section I think. I really wish, I wish I knew who the king was. I really wish I knew who the mom was more than that, because she has an interesting way of going about it. Not only does she get his attention, what are you doing right? But then she goes on and says, look, go give strong drink to the one who's perishing to those who are in bitter distress.

Now we do something like that with end of life medications where we would say there's a certain point where we want to give drugs to someone to make them comfortable. So that the end of their life happens without unneeded pain. We do that kind of thing. I do think that's a good application of this.

However, I don't think that's her only point. She's talking to her son, the king and saying, don't act like those miserable people. You're a king. Live this way. She's saying, sure, strong drink for the person who's dying. Do you wanna live like a person who's dying right now? No, you're a king. These miserable people pursue this kind of numbing escape.

She says, that's not you. You're a king who's been given opportunity and righteousness. You say, how do I pursue justice? And if you sit here and think, well, good, I'm not a king. You're an if you're a forgiven follower of Jesus, you're an heir to the king of the universe. So absolutely, you can hear the voice of God say.

Don't act like miserable people around you who spend their days trying to numb themselves and find whatever fleeting pleasure they can. Don't act like people around you who say they want something good and then tear down all the good they're trying to build up.

Act like a child of the king. You are part of God's royal family. There's a different purpose for your living. So walk the path of wisdom with clear biblical thinking.

Numbing Comes from More Than Just Alcohol

Jed Gillis: And we could apply these same principles. We could say abusive alcohol makes your thinking fuzzy. It makes you have, instead of being able to truly engage whatever issues are there, it makes you try to escape reality.

But it doesn't have to be alcohol, does it? I would say probably the most common way we try to escape is found in that little box in your pocket or in your hand called a smartphone.

And we escape all the time because we get so used to, here's my quick video, here's this news article. Oh, I won't be informed if I don't know all this stuff. I don't really like what's going on in my life. There's this difficult relationship thing, but hey, YouTube's funny.

What are we doing? We're, we're numbing ourselves. We're trying to escape reality. Not saying you can't use your smartphone. I'm saying the way you use it could be a problem.

And the message of this wise mom to us is to say, you're an heir of the king. Not someone who just lives in misery, so pursue what's good. This is what the path of wisdom looks like for this king.

Speak Up for Those Who Can't

Jed Gillis: And she goes on to talk about then the last two verses of this section. She says, Lemuel, don't just coast. Don't just hope somebody else solves the problems. Instead, open your mouth. For the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously defend the rights of the poor and needy.

She says, look, don't waste your strength on something that'll tear down what you're trying to build. Don't numb yourself and then take the strength, take the leadership, take the power, take the influence that you have and speak up for those who can't speak up. Do good to others.

You think about an ancient king of all the people he could say, I'm gonna just coast. He had all the luxury he could want, especially if it was Solomon. He had all the luxury he could want. He's got people who are governing this town and governing this town and governing this area. He's got people doing all that stuff for him. He could say, you know, not my problem.

He was in a position to do that, and this wise mom says, don't waste your strength. Don't numb yourself. Instead, intentionally say, how do I use what I've been given for the good of others?

I think for all of us, we should consider what the path of wisdom looks like in our lives. How do you open your mouth for the good of others? God didn't call you to solve all of the injustice and problem in the world. You can't. He did call you to open your mouth and to open your hands for others. That's the path of wisdom.

The Wise Wife

Jed Gillis: Now, we could talk more about the king, but let's go on and talk about the second poem, not just a poem of a Wise King. Let's talk about the poem about a wise wife.

Wifehood is Worthy to be Praised

Jed Gillis: This poem is interesting for a couple reasons. One, it's an acrostic. I think we un probably all understand what that means. That means like the first verse starts with the equivalent of the Hebrew letter A, second one starts with B, third one starts with C, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Now, I'm gonna guess none of us just wake up and start talking in acrostics. Probably not, right? You have to plan to do it, and you have to work on it. So one thing, just from the form we see, this is something praiseworthy worth thinking about, worth putting effort into.

Not only that, there's another thing that's interesting about the, the form of this poem. It's written the same way they would've written a heroic poem about a soldier. Like here, right in the middle of an ancient world that valued strength and warriors. God puts this in and says the woman, the wife specifically, who walks in wisdom is equally praiseworthy.

Now that's amazing. When you think about the ancient near East culture. Sometimes it gets overstated. But you had a context where many of the nations around Israel, they talked about women as property. They were, they were prizes to be won in battle, not equally praiseworthy with the soldier who won the battle.

When you hear people in our culture tell you that Christianity oppresses women, that's not true. We could talk about historic misuses of Christianity. That's a separate conversation. But when you compare what scripture does, especially in this section, you see a mom who taught with great wisdom, who kind of lectured her king, who happened to be your son who was recorded so we could know it. And you see a heroic ballad about a woman who walks the path of wisdom.

It's good for us to praise people who walk in wisdom no matter what their specific life looks like.

Children. That means from Proverbs 31. If your mom walks the path of wisdom in your home caring for you, that is literally heroically epic. That's what God is saying in the form of this poem. It's heroically epic, and it's praise worthy that this woman walks in wisdom.

And not only that, we do have some ancient Near Eastern examples that praise women in some similar ways to this, but there's some distinctions. One is this woman is described as strong. That's not the way ancient near Eastern works talked about women. She was strong and full of valor.

She had a kind of independence that says in here, we'll read it in a minute. She went and bought a field. Like she said, this is a good plan. She went and bought a field. Guys, you might have a little bit of a weird thought if you came home and your wife bought land without talking to you, we could have a different conversation about that. But in the ancient world, that was unheard of. Wives did not go buy things like that. They didn't act in an independent way like that. Proverbs praises it.

Reading Proverbs 31:10-31

Jed Gillis: So I wanna read beginning in verse 10, we'll take the time to read the whole section. I want you to think, how many ways does this describe the path of wisdom that we've talked about all throughout the book?

An excellent wife who can find, she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She's like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of snow for her household, for all. Her household are clothed and scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine, linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them. She delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her. Blessed her husband also and he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. Charm is deceitful. And beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.

Wisdom is for Everyone

Jed Gillis: As we've looked through the book of Proverbs, we've talked about wisdom in a way that you could understand. If somebody said, this is for young male princes of Israel, what does that mean for a wife? And so God and his wisdom doesn't just leave it at what we had through the first 30 chapters. He gets you here and says, all the stuff I've said about people walking in wisdom applies not just to young male princes.

There's a path of wisdom for wives and husbands and kings and every other person you can think of. We've talked about different topics. We've talked about emotional strength, we've talked about self-control, diligence, planning, kindness, legacy, joy, the fear of the Lord. You can hear all of those themes described here about this woman, because the point is not to say, here's exactly like this is the job description for women.

That's a good thing. 'cause I highly doubt a lot of you wives seek wool and flax very often. Maybe you do. I don't know. I doubt it. Um, you know, you, you're probably not buying fields that often. So as you see, it's not, here's a job description, do all these things. You're set. It's, this is what the path of wisdom looked like for a faithful Israelite wi wife at this time. Our job is not to say check the list, did all the things, but to say, how do I walk the path of wisdom in my culture in front of me today?

A Wise Wife is Valuable

Jed Gillis: So I wanna go back and say a few words about this poem. It starts with the value of a wife from two different angles. First from scarcity. An excellent wife who can find, she's far more precious than jewels.

A wife who walks in wisdom like this is more rare than a diamond. And by the way though, I think this is obvious. A husband who walks in wisdom like this is pretty rare too, right? There's, there's value in something that is rare. That's how he starts. He says, look, jewels are rare. This is even more rare. Someone who walks in wisdom like this.

But not only is she valuable because she's rare, she's valuable because next verse, the heart of her husband trusts in her. And he will have no lack of gain. There's emotional trust and there's practical good.

This is part of the walk of wisdom for all of us. We can draw the specific parallel and say, wives, that's something you should desire to be true of you. Husbands, you should desire that to be true of you. Say, good, I'm not married, I'm off the hook. Nope, it doesn't work like that. Because the path of wisdom is one that says I want to be a trustworthy person in all my relationships.

We all have those situations. I want to do practical, good for the people around me. That's what he's praising here.

She Provides for Those in Her Care

Jed Gillis: So what does she do in verse 13 and following? We read it a minute ago. We see, it starts by saying she's producing clothing, which for us is, you, most of us probably think, well, clothing, that's pretty easy. I go to the store, I buy it. But keep in mind that in, in like New Testament times, you often had very few changes of clothing and they were prohibitively expensive.

Sometimes that could be like nearly a year's wages for a change of clothes. If you can imagine that. I think what that would do to your budget, and if the wife here says, you know what? I'm gonna go seek wool and flax. I'm going to make clothing to provide for my family and my household.

You see the connections, like you get to verse 21. She's not afraid of snow for her household. Why for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She says, I've been preparing for that. I've been working this. Then she realizes not only can I do good for my household and my family. What it said. Verse 18, she perceives that her merchandise is profitable. She says, as I pursue this diligently working to meet a need, I can not only help my family, I can help others.

She's Diligent

Jed Gillis: She's diligent. She's working hard to do good for the people around her. Notice the way he emphasizes this in verse 13. She seeks this. She seeks wool and flax. Works with willing hands. She's like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. She doesn't wait for opportunity to just come and slap her in the face.

She says, okay, here's a need. How do I help meet that need? She pursues that.

Not only clothing, but she considers a field and buys it. Why? It's not just an investment property. She's not flipping for like an HGTV show. No, she's, she's saying, I'm gonna buy this so that I can plant a vineyard so that we'll get benefit from it, so that it can be doing good for our family and for those around me.

She's thinking ahead intentionally looking for ways to improve her life for the good of her family and those around her. And then she works hard for it.

She's Strong

Jed Gillis: That's why you get to verse 17, and it says, she dresses herself with strength. She makes her arms strong. Verse 25, strength and dignity, or her clothing. That means there's at least one sense in which we can't define strength as masculine. It's not. She is strong. She has warrior strength, though her path of wisdom doesn't look like a warrior.

This is her walking the path God has put before her with all the principles we've talked about so far in Proverbs. She's diligent. She knows the fear of the Lord is really the root of all wisdom. She cares for those around her. She wants to do good.

She Has Ample Resources for Her Household

Jed Gillis: I wanna say one word about the second half of verse 18. Her lamp does not go out at night. I've heard people talk about that like it means. It says she rises early. It means she just works all night, like she's a workaholic.

That that's not the point of that idiom. In their context, it's talking about not like middle of the night, it's evening, and if you don't have enough, you don't burn lamps in the evening, you try to save money. The point of saying her lamp does not go out at night is saying she has ample resources for her household.

She says she perceives her merchandise as profitable. You know, we can enjoy the light of the lamp for an hour or two or three before we go to bed. It's not workaholism, it's actually saying God has provided enough. I've been diligent. We're going to enjoy the, the works of of my hands.

She's Generous

Jed Gillis: But it's not just for her and her household. Verse 20 says, she opens her hands for the poor. Again, we've talked about this in Proverbs. God gives you resources so you can give and reflect him. She's just walking the path of wisdom in the way that a wife in ancient Israel would do it.

She's Fearless

Jed Gillis: She's fearless.

I thought as I was reading through this, I thought, how would I hear this if I were a wife and then I gave up because I know I can't.

But I thought the thing, if I think about walking a path of wisdom with these principles, I think that's the hardest one for me. You can say work hard. Yes, good. Try to intentionally do something good for others. Sure. Got it. I try to provide for family. Okay, I've got boxes for all of that.

But it's so easy then to wonder about what's gonna happen in a year or two or five. To be fearful. To say, I'm walking the path of wisdom, but what if it leads me right off a cliff?

And he says no. Her path of wisdom covers her with strength and dignity, and she laughs at the time to come. She says, this path of wisdom leads to good, and I trust the one who has steadfast love and faithfulness for me.

She is Praised

Jed Gillis: And then the poem concludes with praise. It's really all been praise, but it concludes by saying her children rise up and call her blessed. They praise her. Her husband praises her.

Husbands, if I've been talking more to wives, this one's for you. It is right for us to praise what is praiseworthy. When your wife walks in wisdom, don't assume that she knows that you appreciate it.

Let's be a body of believers where as husbands, it's normal for us to praise our wives, not normal for us to insult them or to criticize them.

And you say, what does that look like? Well, he gives you an example in verse 29. Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. You're the best. You say literally the best at everything. No, of course not. He doesn't mean that, but he's praising her. It is good for us to praise what is praise worthy, and the most important trait is not charm. It's not beauty. It's the one who fears the Lord.

If you're not married in here and you think one day I might be, so that's all of you who for sure are younger, maybe not only younger people. The most important thing is does this person fear the Lord so that they walk in wisdom? It's not their looks. It's not their money. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

She Enjoys the Fruit of Her Hands

Jed Gillis: And if you were to get there and say, sounds kind of hard, like work really hard, provide, yeah, you get some praise out of the deal, maybe at the end of it, but it just sounds like you gotta always serve people. It's kind of slavish misery, like that's not how he ends.

He ends with give her of the fruit of her hands. Enjoy the good. Let her works praise her in the gates.

You Don't Pursue the Path of Wisdom by Accident

Jed Gillis: Now I want to say, I think especially wives reading this, you might think, I don't measure up to that. First off, join the club. Second, he's not saying here's an internal description of how she feels. He's saying everybody around her looks and says, this is who she is.

She's walking in wisdom. You might say, well, I don't live up to that all the time. No, but throughout Proverbs, we've said this wisdom is not a door. Like open it and then step out and either you got the right one or you die. Wisdom is a path and there's a path of foolishness.

And if you say, you know, I've been making some kind of foolish choices over here. The right answer is not to say, well, I give up. I can't ever do that. It's to say, how do I take a step back towards wisdom? God calls you to intentionally take steps towards wisdom. That's exactly what is emphasized, and we could talk about a lot of different things throughout this chapter, but I wanna draw your attention to one specific one as we close Proverbs in chapter 31, you don't pursue the path of wisdom by accident.

I don't think anybody would read this description and say, wow, this wife just happened into all this. I don't think anyone would read what it says about a Wise king and say, oh, he's just gonna happen to do that the right way.

No, he says intentionally. This woman described here is intentionally saying, how can I meet a need? How can I provide, how can I do good for others? The path of wisdom is never pursued by perfection, by sinful humans. And the path of wisdom is never pursued by accident. It's pursued intentionally, one step at a time.

Walking in Wisdom as a Married Couple

Jed Gillis: Now, that's hard enough by yourself 'cause you know all the places that you failed. But I want to talk specifically to those of you who are married. We need to understand there's some challenges when two imperfect people walk together. As it turns out, every marriage is between two sinners. Many times we start into marriage with these great ideals and we say, I'm gonna walk as a wise husband. I got this figured out. Or a wise wife.

Together, we're gonna have this thriving, emotionally satisfying, wonderfully productive, wise marriage. And then you find out how imperfect your spouse is, and then hopefully you realize how messed up you are.

And you get to that point and maybe one spouse says, I really want to take some steps of wisdom, but they already know how much I messed up.

So you don't really know how to do it, and you need grace. It may seem like the way back to that ideal, emotionally satisfying, productive, and wise and flourishing marriage like that is impossible. So you declare a truce and you say, I won't have too much conflict, but I won't even think about having that kind of vibrant life-giving relationship.

But just like the individual path of wisdom, it starts with one step. So how do you take intentional steps toward walking in wisdom? When you've lived with a spouse for one month or 50 years and you've both been reminded that you are not perfect. How do you intentionally pursue that path of wisdom? So that your marriage can truly flourish.

And the question that we've wrestled with here at Berean is how do we as a body of believers help you intentionally pursue that?

And I'm excited today we can tell you a little bit more about our plans to do that. So what we're gonna do now. Is I'll have, uh, the tech booth that's gonna play a video, and then I'm gonna invite Todd and Ann Rechenbach to come up and tell us a little bit about a marriage ministry that'll be starting up this fall.

Grace Marriage Shift the Drift Grace Marriage at Berean Bible Church

Todd Rachenbach: Told you, uh, I guess the thing is so powerful for me is that's our story. Um, we've seen that a hundred times, probably still rips us, but, um. You know, we didn't start out, we started out crazy in love for sure. Um, and I'll tell you a little bit more about our premarital counseling than we had and kind of how that went and how the, some of the disasters of the marriage enrichment seminars that we went to, it taught us about conflict resolution and we got the conflict down, but we didn't get the resolution down too good.

But, um, anyway, uh, I'm just, I'm 61 years old now. And I'm starting to kind of count the cost in terms of what my life is and what it means and how it works. Some of my dearest friends, some of my dearest relationships, I've watched their marriages implode and it breaks my heart. Mm-hmm. But what has God called Annie and I to do?

We have a very hard relationship. We have a very hard marriage, but it's good and is rich. It takes a lot of work. It's take a ton of work. Um, I'm sure we'll probably have a tussle this afternoon, but. Comes with it. So, um, there you go.

Ann Rechenbach: I gotta hold it. Okay. Well, I'm supposed to talk a little bit about our premarital counseling because, um, I guess that the deal about grace marriage is, um, a lot of us get premarital counseling and then the other extreme is the crisis counseling, but there's not a lot in in between.

So for us, um. We got wonderful premarital counseling. Um, we actually had 12 sessions with a gifted pastor. I think that was really his gift. I think, um, Ruth and Scott would probably say the same thing. I think they had that same pastor, same counseling. Um, so it prepared us in so many ways, um, and in so many ways it probably saved our marriage. But, um, it was still really hard.

Um, one of the profound things our pastor told us is that, is that we were like two porcupines in Alaska, which. I, it is a way is funny, but it is true too 'cause we don't like each other. Our personalities are so different, but, um, we're madly in love,

Todd Rachenbach: so, um, glad you laughed.

Ann Rechenbach: Yeah. Even my mom, who's a therapist, she saw the hard work we put into our marriage and she started out pretty concerned, but she became one of our biggest supporters. Um, but it was still hard.

Todd Rachenbach: So we've been married over 39 years, and at least twice we've kind of hit what I call the reset button. Um, I got carried away with work and coaching three boys and, um, having a good time. But what I had learned is that I had, um, wounded the one that I loved the most. Um, so we sought out some help from some marriage counselors, uh, at two different times to kind of reset where we were, the.

The stuff you learn is not hard. It's the application, it's the hard part. Um, but I have, I have also heard that guys, our marriage has the greatest opportunity to be able to proclaim the truth of the gospel. And when I began to get challenged is what is our marriage proclaiming? Is it the truth of Jesus Christ and his redemptive love for us and how he requires us to extend grace and mercy to each other.

And that's a pretty convicting thing from that standpoint. It's an overwhelming and daunting task, uh, when I look at that. But it's like, well, here we are. Now what do we do? And I don't wanna just look to Jed or to our elders or to a marriage counselor. That tends to be expensive guys. We're in this together. I wanna lock arms with the body to walk with you guys, to strengthen marriages, to, to, to learn from and to teach things that God has done in our marriage, and how can we be able to do that together?

We're not equipped for that. We're not counselors. We're, we're not trained therapists by any means, but we have tools and resources to access, and that's what Grace, grace marriage is.

So I'll tell you a little bit about, or Ann's gonna tell you a little bit about in terms of how we found them and then, then the next step forward.

Ann Rechenbach: So, um, unlike Todd, because we're very different, I'm a big podcaster and, um, I, and one day I heard on one of my favorite podcasts about a ministry called Grace Marriage. So Todd and I have had a heart for marriages. We've led small groups centered on marriage. We read books. We recently attended a marriage conference that was actually life changing. This one, that one was good. Um, but this was different. Uh, so after sending the podcast to Todd three times, he finally listened.

Um, remember, he, he is not a podcaster. Um, but grace marriage resonated with him too.

Todd Rachenbach: So. What Grace Marriage is, we actually got away a couple, three weeks ago over to Franklin, Tennessee. I've been working with the staff for over, probably around a year. Uh, just trying to find out who they were, what their curriculum is, does it meet the smell test and this, that, whatever.

Um, uh, met with Jed. Uh, talked to George a few times as well. If you can get it past George Waller, you're pretty, you're doing pretty good. So, uh, anyway. No, but, but the marriage, uh, grace marriage, um, o offers a program.

Basically what it it looks like is, is, um. A once a month date night, if you will. We plan to meet the second Friday of the month, starting in September. Um, we'll meet right here. It's not a counseling session. This is an opportunity for us to learn from, uh, as a couple, but in small groups. But then corporately too, as in group discussions as well. Uh, Clay and Portia Causey give a shout out for Clay and Portia. I mean, who doesn't love Clay and Portia? Right.

Okay, good. They have, they have agreed to be our co-facilitators with us. We're still building out our team. Uh, you'll get more email, you'll get more information. Uh, we'll have a signup table in in the near future because again, our first time that we start is September 12th. My challenge to each of you guys is prayerfully consider what would God ask of you guys to make this investment to meet on a regular basis once a month, starting in September to commit to learn together, to strengthen your marriage? Um, Mr. Gillis, there he is. Um, can I pray and then I'll hand it back.

So let me pray for us. Lord Jesus, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for my wife, a woman of high character, a woman who has loved me while, who has loved our boys well, has loved our daughter-in-laws and our grandkids well.

God, we celebrate your work in our lives, um, even in the midst of our differences. God, you challenge us. You equip us. You prepare us. You promise to never leave us, never forsake us, to give us, give us strength, and give us courage even in the midst of hardship. Lord, you refine us to be more like you, and we praise you for your, um, your blessing of marriage and how you care for us and love us.

It's in your name, we pray and pray you bless grace marriage of Berean, in Jesus' name, amen.

Closing

Jed Gillis: Thank you Todd and Ann, I wanna encourage you for sure to pray because marriages are attacked. Often they're difficult and we want to see God use. We wanna see him work in marriages all over the world, but we wanna see God use Berean Bible Church to strengthen our marriages and others that aren't sitting in this room yet that God would bring here.

So I wanna encourage you to pray. If you're not married, there will be some service opportunities there as well and would love to have you there. It's not just for young couples, it's for couples of all ages to strengthen your marriage, and I hope that you will pray about it, pray about being a part about it, pray about serving in it as well, because you will not pursue the path of wisdom accidentally. So how do we intentionally take steps forward?

As we look back on the series of Proverbs, that's been my prayer, is that God would help me to intentionally say in all of my ways, in every word I speak, in every action and every choice of my schedule, in everything I do, that I would lift him up, that others would see him as better, as worshiped, as treasured, and I hope that that is your prayer as well.